Mexican restaurant meltdown
Carl Bird, 56, a notorious fixture of the Rockford-area police blotter, was arrested Tuesday evening after a boozy blow-up at El Patio Loco, a Mexican restaurant known for its cheap margarita specials and colorful décor.
According to witnesses, Bird arrived alone and “made himself comfortable” at a booth, ordering approximately six half-price margaritas in rapid succession. After draining the last one, Bird reportedly asked the server for an enchilada plate “without all that Mexican shit on it” and declined to explain further. The kitchen sent out a standard enchilada plate in hopes of satisfying the cryptic request.
When the food arrived, Bird lit a cigarette in the middle of the dining room. Staff informed him that Illinois had banned public indoor smoking since 2008. Bird allegedly replied, “I ain’t never heard of that, comprendo?”
Witnesses say he stared at the enchiladas with growing contempt, muttering about “Mexican shit” but refusing to specify what he meant. The owner eventually brought the check and politely asked him to leave. Bird refused, declaring, “This isn’t Juarez, this is America, baby! Learn the rules!” Moments later, he began swinging punches at anyone within reach, striking at least one busboy and a patron before being restrained by two line cooks—whom he called “a bunch of beaners” during the scuffle.
Police arrived minutes later to find Bird still shouting obscenities. He was taken into custody without incident but remained “argumentative” in the squad car, according to the arrest report.
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A Colorful Criminal Past
Bird is no stranger to law enforcement. His rap sheet includes:
• Public indecency at the Rockford Speedway in 2018 after attempting to “moon the pace car.” • Theft under $500 for taking clothing from a Salvation Army donation bin (Bird argued the clothes were “just sitting there”). • Disorderly conduct for yelling unsolicited life advice at joggers in Sinnissippi Park. • A long list of bar ejections from Elgin to Beloit, culminating in his lifetime ban from the City of Elgin in earlier this year for “repeated disturbances and unlawful behavior.”
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The Van
Police impounded Bird’s infamous orange van after Tuesday’s arrest. The vehicle, emblazoned with a faded gladiator mural, has been cited for multiple safety and registration violations, including a missing rear bumper, mismatched license plates, an illegaly modified emissions system and brake lights “that appear to be painted on.”
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Legal Counsel Responds
Reached for comment while eating an Italian BMT at a gas station Subway, Bird’s attorney, Tony “No Nose” Catellini, said,
“Look, Carl’s got a colorful personality, sure, but we’re talking about a guy who just wanted dinner. We’ll be reviewing the charges and making sure his rights are protected. And by the way, this sandwich is dry as hell.”
Bird remains in custody pending a bond hearing. El Patio Loco has not commented on whether he will be barred from returning, though staff members were overheard saying the decision was “a no-brainer.”