Darnell Watson
Darnell Watson is a promoter, singer, organizer, and MC from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He is known for his fanatical adherence to 1970s funk culture and fashion, organization of hastily planned impromptu community events, running legal and quasi-legal business ventures, and as the singer of The Darnell Watson Funk Experience house band. He is the third son of Randy Watson, who is known for being the singer of the band Sexual Chocolate.
Watson has described himself as “always hustling”. His “experiences” are almost always for-profit endeavors but generally accomplish some good for the community, so his activities are usually tolerated by community members and law enforcement.
Appearance
Darnell Watson is a black man in his late 30s or early 40s. He has a Jheri-curl hairstyle and always wears gold Elvis sunglasses. He wears impeccably tailored orange suits and colorful paisley silk shirts. Occasionally he will appear in more casual attire if he’s working one of his “experiences” himself. He has also appeared in a royal purple robe with gold rope accents as part of Darnell Watson’s Magic Show Experience.
Community Outreach
Watson has organized and/or officiated the following recurring community events and services:
- Darnell Watson’s Court-Ordered Alcoholics Anonymous Experience
- Darnell Watson’s Inner City Summer Camp Experience
- Darnell Watson’s Little Kings and Queens Daycare Experience
- Darnell Watson’s Magic Show Experience
- Darnell Watson’s School Bus Experience (with $5/plate meals on the way to school)
- Darnell Watson’s Dog Adoption Experience
Watson possesses an almost supernatural ability to hastily assemble an event. According to rumors, he once produced twelve folding tables, a PA system, three grills, a whole hog, 30 cases of soda, 4 kegs of beer and a funk band within ninety minutes of somebody suggesting a block party.
Business Endeavors
Watson continually offers and advertises for the following products and services:
- Darnell Watson’s Ghetto Tour Experience
- Darnell Watson’s Pig Roast Experience ($5/plate)
- Darnell Watson’s Philly Inner City Community Center Annex Dojo Experience
- Darnell Watson’s Jheri-curl Activator
- Darnell Watson’s Car Wash Experience
- Darnell Watson’s Couch Protector
- Darnell Watson’s Low-End Fortified Wine
- Darnell Watson’s Chinese Soul Food Experience
Darnell Watson’s Ghetto Tour Experience
For $25 "plus gas money" Watson drives customers in his 1977 Cadillac Coupe deVille convertible through the worst parts of Philly and entertain them with local lore.
Darnell Watson’s Pig Roast Experience
Watson sets up a mobile smoker on an abandoned lot or in an unused alley (pulled by his 1977 Cadillac Coupe deVille) and sells plate lunches for $5 apiece, which normally consist of a pork or brisket sandwich, coleslaw, and a roll.
Darnell Watson’s Philly Inner City Community Center Annex Dojo Experience
Watson offers martial classes sorted by age and skill level. Classes are $10 cash apiece regardless of level.
Darnell Watson’s Chinese Soul Food Experience
A collaborative food truck effort between Watson and local Chinese chef Tai Wang, offering a fusion cuisine between soul food and Chinese food. Menu items include "Soy sauce braised chitlins", "General Tso's Chicken and Waffles" and "Kung Pao Catfish".
Darnell Watson's Low End Fortified Wine
An inexpensive 18.4% ABV fortified wine sold in down-market corner stores. Despite it's presumed low quality, the wine actually received praise from the sommelier of the Chez Paul in Chicago, IL:
Usually wine of this caliber features notes of carburetor cleaner and gasoline. Darnell Watson has delivered a rare gem—a fortified wine closer to a port, seemingly made from a blend of real red wine and real brandy. A miracle at its price point. Consumption surprisingly didn't immediately lead to a headache.
Darnell Watson's Jheri-curl Activator
Watson got the idea to release his own activator spray after individuals in his immediate social circle lamented the choice and price of activators that were on the market at the time. Often, a small bottle of activator retailed for as much as $8 and would only last a few days. Using funds raised through Darnell Watson’s Funk Experience Revue Featuring Sexual Chocolate’s Randy Watson and The Reverend Cleofus James, Darnell partnered with a local cosmetics company to bring the product to retail outlets for $3.49 for a 12 oz. spray bottle.
One Time Special Events
- Darnell Watson’s Funk Experience Revue Featuring Sexual Chocolate’s Randy Watson and The Reverend Cleofus James
- Darnell Watson’s Late Fee Amnesty Night at Good Video