Carl Bird Extended Universe

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'''Carl Bird''' (born July 4, 1969) is an American reprobate, gambler, habitual schemer, and recurring criminal offender who serves as one of the central figures of the '''[[Carl Bird Universe]]'''. He is the older and considerably meaner cousin of [[Big Bird]], whom he physically resembles.
'''Carl Bird''' (born July 4, 1969) is an American reprobate, gambler, habitual schemer, and recurring criminal offender. He is the older and considerably meaner cousin of [[Big Bird]], whom he physically resembles.


Carl is best known for his criminal record in the greater Chicagoland area of Illinois, but (as he frequently attempts to advertise) is also a guitarist associated with the hard-rock band '''[[Redline]]''', although his actual musical contribution has frequently been questioned. He is also known for a lengthy history of misdemeanor criminal activity, unstable housing, compulsive gambling, poorly planned business ventures, public disturbances, and repeated encounters with security personnel and law enforcement.
Carl is best known for his criminal record in the greater Chicagoland area of Illinois, but (as he frequently attempts to advertise) is also a guitarist associated with the hard-rock band '''[[Redline]]''', although his actual musical contribution has frequently been questioned. He is also known for a lengthy history of misdemeanor criminal activity, unstable housing, compulsive gambling, poorly planned business ventures, public disturbances, and repeated encounters with security personnel and law enforcement.


Physically, Carl is characterized by yellow feathers, bloodshot eyes, prison-style tattoos covering his arms and legs, cutoff denim shorts, and a gold chain bearing the word '''TWEETY'''. He is rarely seen without a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth.
Physically, Carl is characterized by yellow feathers, bloodshot eyes, prison-style tattoos covering his arms and legs, cutoff denim shorts, and occasionally a gold chain. He is rarely seen without a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth.


Despite maintaining little stable employment and often living in vans of questionable provenance, Carl has managed to remain connected to a surprisingly broad network of small-time musicians, promoters, attorneys, wrestlers, businessmen, and local personalities.
Despite maintaining little stable employment and often living in vans of questionable provenance, Carl has managed to remain connected to a surprisingly broad network of small-time musicians, promoters, attorneys, wrestlers, businessmen, and local personalities.
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Little reliable information is available regarding his childhood. He has variously claimed to have grown up in Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, or "wherever the action was," although the Brooklyn account is generally accepted as canonical.
Little reliable information is available regarding his childhood. He has variously claimed to have grown up in Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, or "wherever the action was," although the Brooklyn account is generally accepted as canonical.


Carl speaks with a pronounced, gruff New York accent which has remained largely unchanged despite spending significant portions of his adult life in Illinois, where he moved because, according to him, "shit's cheaper, and they got loopholes in their vehicle registration process".
Carl speaks with a pronounced, gruff Brooklyn accent which has remained largely unchanged despite spending significant portions of his adult life in Illinois, where he moved because, according to him, "shit's cheaper, and they got loopholes in their vehicle registration process".


He is the older cousin of [[Big Bird]]. The precise relationship between Carl and the larger Bird family remains poorly documented, although Carl has repeatedly described himself as:
He is the older cousin of Big Bird. The precise relationship between Carl and the larger Bird family remains poorly documented, although Carl has repeatedly described himself as "the Bird they don't put on television".
 
:''"The Bird they don't put on television."''


Carl's relationship with his more famous cousin is believed to be strained.
Carl's relationship with his more famous cousin is believed to be strained.
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== Appearance ==
== Appearance ==


Carl closely resembles [[Big Bird]] in overall body shape and plumage, but differs markedly in grooming and presentation.
Carl closely resembles Big Bird in overall body shape and plumage, but differs markedly in grooming and presentation. He may be easily differentiated by the following characteristics:


His usual appearance includes:
* heavily bloodshot eyes
* numerous crude prison tattoos on his feathered limbs
* cutoff denim shorts
* almost always shirtless
* a gold chain, more recently one bearing the name TWEETY
* thrifted athletic shoes or slippers issued by the county jail; "those are the most comfortable" according to Carl
* almost always with a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth


* yellow feathers;
=== Tattoos ===
* heavily bloodshot eyes;
His tattoos are all crude and show poor art skill, but generally consist of names, skulls, dice, women, card suits, and other imagery associated with gambling and incarceration.
* visible five-o'clock shadow;
* numerous crude prison tattoos on his feathered limbs;
* cutoff denim shorts;
* more recently, a heavy gold chain reading '''TWEETY''' but generally almost always with a gold chain of some type;
* worn athletic shoes or slippers issued by the county jail: "those are the most comfortable" according to Carl;
* and a permanently lit cigarette, typically hanging from the corner of his mouth.
 
Carl is frequently shirtless.
 
His tattoos are all crude and show poor art skill, but generally consist of names, skulls, dice, women, card suits, and other imagery associated with gambling and incarceration.


The '''TWEETY''' chain is one of Carl's most recognizable possessions and appears to have survived multiple arrests, vehicle fires, periods of homelessness, and at least one alleged pawn-shop transaction.
The '''TWEETY''' chain is one of Carl's most recognizable possessions and appears to have survived multiple arrests, vehicle fires, periods of homelessness, and at least one alleged pawn-shop transaction.
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He possesses a strong instinct for identifying minor loopholes, questionable money-making opportunities, unsecured alcohol, unattended merchandise, unsecured power hookups, vehicle law loopholes, and situations in which rules might not technically apply to him.
He possesses a strong instinct for identifying minor loopholes, questionable money-making opportunities, unsecured alcohol, unattended merchandise, unsecured power hookups, vehicle law loopholes, and situations in which rules might not technically apply to him.


His defining personality traits include:
Carl generally rejects the suggestion that he is unemployed, preferring terms such as "between gigs," "independent," "consulting," or "working on something."


* extreme confidence unsupported by circumstance;
He asks nearly everyone he meets to borrow money. In the event that someone happens to lend him money, he either completely disappears, or if cornered, he offers to repay the loan in highly elaborate, questionable ways such as:
* chronic gambling;
* hostility toward security guards and petty officials;
* resistance to conventional employment;
* casual dishonesty;
* intense loyalty to a small number of associates;
* a tendency to treat every conflict as a matter of personal dignity;
* and an almost supernatural ability to survive consequences which would permanently derail most people.


Carl generally rejects the suggestion that he is unemployed, preferring terms such as "between gigs," "independent," "consulting," or "working on something."
* third party checks
 
* poorly counterfeited cash
He is particularly contemptuous of individuals whom he perceives as exercising insignificant authority too enthusiastically. This has resulted in a longstanding antagonistic relationship with [[Mike Jorpa]].
* free Big Mac coins ("those held their value better than gold", according to Bird, and amusingly he's not wrong)
* bartering for possessions, which are usually worthless junk
* foreign currency from countries that no longer exist
*


== Employment history ==
== Employment history ==
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Known or alleged incidents have included:
Known or alleged incidents have included:


* loitering;
* loitering
* public urination;
* public urination
* illegal dumping;
* illegal dumping
* shoplifting;
* shoplifting
* unlicensed tire burning;
* unlicensed tire burning
* misdemeanor bootlegging;
* misdemeanor bootlegging
* fraud;
* fraud
* driving under the influence;
* driving under the influence
* driving without a valid license;
* driving without a valid license
* driving without insurance;
* driving without insurance
* lottery-related fraud;
* lottery-related fraud
* purchasing cigarettes for minors;
* purchasing cigarettes for minors
* impersonating a licensed exterminator;
* impersonating a licensed exterminator
* solicitation;
* solicitation
* and various public-order violations.
* practicing medicine without a license
* environmental violations


Carl has repeatedly demonstrated a peculiar ability to remain involved in criminal behavior while frequently avoiding the most serious possible charges.
Carl has repeatedly demonstrated a peculiar ability to remain involved in criminal behavior while frequently avoiding the most serious possible charges.
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[[Carl Bird legal troubles]]
[[Carl Bird legal troubles]]


== Tony "No Nose" Catellini ==
== Legal Representation ==


Carl's attorney, fixer, and occasional handler is Cicero lawyer '''[[Tony "No Nose" Catellini]]'''.
Carl's attorney, fixer, and occasional handler is Cicero lawyer '''[[Tony "No Nose" Catellini]]'''.
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According to one established account, Catellini once accumulated approximately '''$900,000 in gambling debt'''. Carl subsequently became involved in resolving the situation under circumstances that remain poorly documented and possibly criminal.
According to one established account, Catellini once accumulated approximately '''$900,000 in gambling debt'''. Carl subsequently became involved in resolving the situation under circumstances that remain poorly documented and possibly criminal.


Catellini thereafter described himself as owing Carl a lifetime debt of gratitude.
Catellini thereafter described himself as owing Carl a lifetime debt of gratitude. This relationship has proved invaluable to Carl, who frequently requires legal representation.
 
This relationship has proved invaluable to Carl, who frequently requires legal representation.
 
Catellini has represented or advised Carl in matters involving:
 
* vehicle offenses;
* public intoxication;
* disorderly conduct;
* licensing disputes;
* entertainment contracts;
* arrests;
* alleged fraud;
* and disputes where Carl insists that something is legal because "No Nose said it's fine."


Carl usually refers to Catellini simply as '''No Nose'''.
Carl usually refers to Catellini simply as '''No Nose'''.
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=== Redline ===
=== Redline ===


Carl is closely associated with the hard-rock band '''[[Redline]]''', signed at various points to '''[[Dollar General Records]]'''.
Carl is closely associated with the band '''[[Redline]]''' which records and performs hypermasculine exaggerated arena rock sometimes described as '''mustache rock'''. He is generally credited as a rhythm guitarist, however his precise contribution to live performances is controversial.
 
Redline performs a mixture of hard rock, heavy metal, melodic rock, and exaggerated masculine arena-rock sometimes described as '''mustache rock'''.
 
Carl is generally credited as a '''rhythm guitarist'''.
 
His precise contribution to live performances is controversial.


On numerous occasions Carl's guitar has reportedly been:
On numerous occasions Carl's guitar has reportedly been:


* unplugged;
* unplugged
* connected to an amplifier with the volume turned down;
* connected to an amplifier with the volume turned down
* missing a cable entirely;
* missing a cable entirely;
* or otherwise inaudible in the final mix.
* otherwise inaudible in the final mix


Carl has rarely appeared to notice.
Carl has rarely appeared to notice.


This has led to speculation that his position in Redline is based more heavily on personal relationships, image, persistence, and his inability to be removed from backstage areas than on musical necessity.
This has led to speculation that his position in Redline is based more heavily on personal relationships, image, persistence, and his inability to be removed from backstage areas than on musical necessity. Carl nevertheless considers himself an essential member of the group. He has occasionally claimed songwriting credit for songs for which no other member remembers him contributing.


Carl nevertheless considers himself an essential member of the group.
=== Trabajo Bone ===


Carl has occasionally claimed songwriting credit for songs for which no other member remembers him contributing.
Carl has an informal relationship with Mexican-American norteño metal band '''[[Trabajo Bone]]''', and briefly served as their rhythm guitarist, but was asked to leave due to lack of ability and experience.


=== Musical ability ===
Carl has consequently described Trabajo Bone as "good people."


Carl's actual guitar skill is generally considered limited.
The band's musicians appear to regard Carl with varying degrees of amusement and irritation.


He knows several basic chords, blues-rock shapes, and recognizable fragments of common hard-rock riffs.
=== Musical ability ===
 
His primary technique consists of aggressive strumming, volume, posing, and pointing at members of the audience.
 
More technically skilled musicians within the universe tend to tolerate him rather than regard him as a peer.
 
During an attempted jam with [[Ramón "Bones" Villaseñor]] of [[Trabajo Bone]], Ramón reportedly unplugged Carl's amplifier.


Carl continued playing without noticing.
Carl's actual guitar skill is generally considered limited. He knows several basic chords, blues-rock shapes, and recognizable fragments of common hard-rock riffs. His primary technique consists of aggressive strumming, volume, posing, and pointing at members of the audience. More technically skilled musicians within his social circle tend to tolerate him rather than regard him as a peer. His equipment is usually in poor repair, "like something he traded a set of used tires for at a pawn shop" according to [[Redline]] keyboardist Johann Heimberg.


== Trabajo Bone ==
== Personal Relationships ==
 
=== Juan Gonzalez ===
Carl has an informal relationship with Mexican-American glam/norteño metal band '''[[Trabajo Bone]]'''.
 
Trabajo Bone frontman [[Héctor "El Hueso" Montoya]] has repeatedly allowed Carl backstage, largely because Héctor keeps beer available and has never definitively established whether Carl is actually supposed to be present.
 
Carl has consequently described Trabajo Bone as "good people."
 
The band's musicians appear to regard Carl with varying degrees of amusement and irritation.
 
== Juan Gonzalez ==


One of Carl's longtime associates is '''[[Juan Gonzalez]'''.
One of Carl's longtime associates is '''[[Juan Gonzalez]'''.
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Juan is among the relatively small number of people whom Carl appears to regard as a genuine friend rather than a potential source of transportation, alcohol, money, or temporary housing.
Juan is among the relatively small number of people whom Carl appears to regard as a genuine friend rather than a potential source of transportation, alcohol, money, or temporary housing.


== Zutroy Zagreb ==
=== Zutroy Zagreb ===


'''[[Zutroy Zagreb]]''' is an Eastern European booking agent and entertainment-industry connection who has arranged work involving Carl and other performers within the universe.
'''[[Zutroy Zagreb]]''' is a Hungarian American booking agent and entertainment-industry connection who has arranged work involving Carl, usually with poor outcomes.


Zagreb's humorless, transactional personality frequently clashes with Carl's improvisational approach to contracts and scheduling.
Zagreb's humorless, transactional personality frequently clashes with Carl's improvisational approach to contracts and scheduling. Zagreb once described Carl as "a fucking clown".


Carl nevertheless respects Zagreb because he "gets gigs."
=== Darnell Watson ===
 
== Darnell Watson ==


Carl has repeatedly crossed paths with promoter and entrepreneur '''[[Darnell Watson]]'''.
Carl has repeatedly crossed paths with promoter and entrepreneur '''[[Darnell Watson]]'''.


Watson is associated with the [[Darnell Watson Funk Experience]] and numerous entertainment ventures.
Watson is associated with the [[Darnell Watson Funk Experience]] and .


The two possess fundamentally different approaches to business: Watson typically attempts to construct an actual promotional enterprise, while Carl tends to identify opportunities for free admission, alcohol, merchandise resale, side gambling, or unauthorized participation.
The two possess fundamentally different approaches to business: Watson typically attempts to construct an actual promotional enterprise, while Carl tends to identify opportunities for free admission, alcohol, merchandise resale, side gambling, or unauthorized participation. However, given that Watson's endeavors are frequently quasi-legal, he occasionally relies on Carl to handle some of the event management. (Chasing away people who are asking too many questions, event security or taking the fall in case something goes sideways.)


Despite this, Watson has continued to deal with Carl on multiple occasions.
=== Mike Jorpa ===
 
== Mike Jorpa ==


'''[[Mike Jorpa]]''' is one of Carl's most persistent antagonists.
'''[[Mike Jorpa]]''' is one of Carl's most persistent antagonists.
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He was subsequently held at the Kane County Jail, with bond reportedly set at '''$500'''.
He was subsequently held at the Kane County Jail, with bond reportedly set at '''$500'''.
== Wrestling connections ==
Carl has appeared in connection with multiple independent wrestling events and promotions within the Carl Bird Universe.
His participation has varied from:
* musician;
* guest;
* hanger-on;
* informal manager;
* participant in ringside incidents;
* and unwilling physical participant.
In one notable incident, Carl was powerbombed by a luchador.
Carl has subsequently characterized the event as "a work," although witnesses have disputed this.


== Business ventures and schemes ==
== Business ventures and schemes ==
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He strongly prefers cash transactions.
He strongly prefers cash transactions.


== Reputation ==
Within the Carl Bird Universe, Carl occupies a peculiar social position.
He is widely regarded as unreliable, abrasive, dishonest, and exhausting.
At the same time, he has retained long-standing friendships and professional relationships with numerous people who would appear to have every reason to stop dealing with him.
Several factors appear responsible:
* Carl can be genuinely loyal;
* he is fearless in situations where better judgment would suggest caution;
* he is useful in certain unconventional circumstances;
* he knows an enormous number of people;
* and he is nearly impossible to permanently exclude from a social scene.
He is therefore simultaneously a liability and a fixture.
== Relationship with authority ==
Carl's disputes with authority extend beyond law enforcement.
He reacts especially poorly to:
* security guards;
* parking attendants;
* building managers;
* code-enforcement personnel;
* venue employees;
* tow operators;
* and anyone carrying a radio while wearing a polo shirt.
Carl strongly distinguishes between police officers and private security personnel.
This distinction becomes particularly important whenever [[Mike Jorpa]] is involved.
Carl's usual legal theory is that a rule becomes optional if the person enforcing it lacks arrest powers.
This theory has not generally succeeded.
== Speech and mannerisms ==
Carl speaks in a rough New York accent.
Common characteristics of his speech include:
* referring to others as "chief," "pal," or "boss";
* aggressively rhetorical questions;
* claims that situations are "bullshit";
* insistence that he "knows a guy";
* references to [[Tony "No Nose" Catellini]] as legal authority;
* and statements beginning with "technically."
He often interprets silence as agreement.
== Possessions ==
Items frequently associated with Carl include:
* his gold '''TWEETY''' chain;
* cigarettes;
* inexpensive beer;
* folding lawn chairs;
* disposable lighters;
* playing cards;
* questionable vehicle titles;
* guitar equipment;
* and handwritten telephone numbers belonging to people who may not remember giving them to him.
== Continuity inconsistencies ==
Like many long-running figures in the Carl Bird Universe, Carl possesses a number of contradictory biographical details.
The largest concerns his criminal record.
Earlier depictions sometimes characterize Carl as an expert at accumulating large numbers of misdemeanor offenses without ever receiving a felony conviction.
Other accounts explicitly describe an eight-year prison sentence for grand larceny.
Rather than eliminating either version entirely, the broader continuity generally preserves the following core facts:
* Carl has spent substantial time incarcerated;
* he possesses legitimate prison tattoos;
* he has an extensive criminal record;
* most of his later offenses remain comparatively minor;
* and [[Tony "No Nose" Catellini]] has repeatedly prevented relatively small incidents from becoming much larger legal problems.
Individual articles concerning specific incidents should defer to the chronology established in those articles.
== Legacy ==
Carl is widely regarded as the central connective figure of the Carl Bird Universe.
Although many characters belong primarily to individual subcultures—music, wrestling, security, promotion, local business, or organized entertainment—Carl moves freely between them.
As a result, seemingly unrelated figures such as [[Tony Bulsara]], [[Darnell Watson]], [[Trabajo Bone]], [[Mike Jorpa]], [[Zutroy Zagreb]], [[Redline]], and various independent wrestling personalities often become connected through Carl.
His continued presence also explains why otherwise respectable events frequently end with police involvement, vehicle trouble, unpaid tabs, small fires, or arguments in parking lots.


== See also ==


* [[Redline]]
* [[Redline]]
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[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Musicians]]
[[Category:Redline members]]
[[Category:Criminals]]
[[Category:Gamblers]]
[[Category:Brooklyn natives]]
[[Category:Illinois residents]]
[[Category:Carl Bird Universe]]
Retrieved from "https://carl.mj12.ch/wiki/Carl_Bird"