Carl Bird: Difference between revisions

Line 228:

== Vehicles ==

Carl has owned, borrowed, won, lost, or denied ownership of numerous vans.

Carl has owned, borrowed, won, lost, or denied ownership of numerous vans and RVs.

He strongly favors 1970s full-size American vans, particularly those featuring:

He strongly favors 1970s full-size American conversion vans, particularly those featuring:

* custom murals;

* custom murals of fantasy art

* shag carpeting;

* shag carpeting

* ~~side pipes;~~

* nonfunctional interior lighting

* ~~questionable mechanical condition;~~

* sleeping/living quarters

* ~~nonfunctional interior lighting;~~

* entertainment systems with TV and VCR

* ~~and expired registration.~~

* 8 track players

~~Carl frequently obtains~~ vehicles ~~through poker games or informal trades rather than conventional purchase~~.

However, due to his perpetual lack of funds, such vehicles are nearly always in a poor state of repair. Any vehicle owned by Carl has at least a few of the following problems:

~~A rusted '''1978 Dodge Tradesman''' associated~~ with ~~Carl featured~~ a ~~fantasy-style wizard mural on the hood.~~

* major flooring segments repaired with sheet metal

* rust perforation on most body panels

* bald, mismatched tires—in some cases spare tires

* a malfunctioning or purposefully disconnected speedometer cable

* brakes always one hard slam from being completely shot

* emissions controls being a mere suggestion

* at least one broken window

* body damage

* dragging tailpipe

* worn out or perforated muffler

* oil, coolant, brake fluid leaks

* extremely unhygienic interior

* slipping transmission

~~He has also been associated~~ with the ~~'''[[Sidepipe Wagon]]'''~~.

Systems like external lighting, mirrors, etc. are generally kept in a functioning state to discourage unnecessary contact with law enforcement. However, most police in the Rockford, Joliet, Aurora, and Elgin areas know any of his vehicles on sight. According to Sgt. Peebles of the Elgin Police:

~~Carl has denied owning vehicles while standing immediately beside them~~.

Whenever you see a piece of shit van with a busted muffler and a wizard or some shit painted on the side roll into town, it can only be one person. The way I see it? Pull him over, you'll find something to get him on no matter what.

</blockquote>

~~His~~ housing situation and vehicle ownership are often functionally inseparable.

Carl's housing situation and vehicle ownership are often functionally inseparable. He frequently obtains vehicles through poker games, serendipity, bartering, or scheming rather than conventional purchase. He has been known to refer to one van in particular as the '''[[Sidepipe Wagon]]''', as evidenced by this catcall he made toward a woman in Rockford before being arrested for reckless driving:

Hey baby, wanna go for a ride in the sidepipe wagon? This eight track player only plays one song: Space Truckin' by Deep Purple!

</blockquote>

When confronted with inquiries by police or security officials, Carl has denied owning vehicles while standing immediately beside them.

== Housing ==

@@ Line 228: / Line 228: @@
 == Vehicles ==
-Carl has owned, borrowed, won, lost, or denied ownership of numerous vans.
+Carl has owned, borrowed, won, lost, or denied ownership of numerous vans and RVs.
-He strongly favors 1970s full-size American vans, particularly those featuring:
+He strongly favors 1970s full-size American conversion vans, particularly those featuring:
-* custom murals;
+* custom murals of fantasy art
-* shag carpeting;
+* shag carpeting
-* side pipes;
+* nonfunctional interior lighting
-* questionable mechanical condition;
+* sleeping/living quarters
-* nonfunctional interior lighting;
+* entertainment systems with TV and VCR
-* and expired registration.
+* 8 track players
-Carl frequently obtains vehicles through poker games or informal trades rather than conventional purchase.
+However, due to his perpetual lack of funds, such vehicles are nearly always in a poor state of repair. Any vehicle owned by Carl has at least a few of the following problems:
-A rusted '''1978 Dodge Tradesman''' associated with Carl featured a fantasy-style wizard mural on the hood.
+* major flooring segments repaired with sheet metal
+* rust perforation on most body panels
+* bald, mismatched tires—in some cases spare tires
+* a malfunctioning or purposefully disconnected speedometer cable
+* brakes always one hard slam from being completely shot
+* emissions controls being a mere suggestion
+* at least one broken window
+* body damage
+* dragging tailpipe
+* worn out or perforated muffler
+* oil, coolant, brake fluid leaks
+* extremely unhygienic interior
+* slipping transmission
-He has also been associated with the '''[[Sidepipe Wagon]]'''.
+Systems like external lighting, mirrors, etc. are generally kept in a functioning state to discourage unnecessary  contact with law enforcement. However, most police in the Rockford, Joliet, Aurora, and Elgin areas know any of his vehicles on sight. According to Sgt. Peebles of the Elgin Police:
-Carl has denied owning vehicles while standing immediately beside them.
+<blockquote>
+Whenever you see a piece of shit van with a busted muffler and a wizard or some shit painted on the side roll into town, it can only be one person. The way I see it? Pull him over, you'll find something to get him on no matter what.
+</blockquote>
-His housing situation and vehicle ownership are often functionally inseparable.
+Carl's housing situation and vehicle ownership are often functionally inseparable. He frequently obtains vehicles through poker games, serendipity, bartering, or scheming rather than conventional purchase. He has been known to refer to one van in particular as the '''[[Sidepipe Wagon]]''', as evidenced by this catcall he made toward a woman in Rockford before being arrested for reckless driving:
+<blockquote>
+Hey baby, wanna go for a ride in the sidepipe wagon? This eight track player only plays one song: Space Truckin' by Deep Purple!
+</blockquote>
+When confronted with inquiries by police or security officials, Carl has denied owning vehicles while standing immediately beside them.
 == Housing ==

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