Carl Bird Extended Universe

Timeline of Carl Bird Occupations: Difference between revisions

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| Clown
| Clown
| Joliet, Illinois
| Joliet, Illinois
| 2021 – present
| 2021–present
| —
| —
|-
| Self
| Mall Santa
| Multiple/recurring
| 2009–present
| Being a seasonal job, Carl can usually last the entire holiday season without getting fired, however he is known to drink heavily while on the job and sexually harass mothers who bring their children to visit him.
|-
|-
| Rax Restaurant
| Rax Restaurant
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| Sanitation Engineer
| Sanitation Engineer
| East Joliet, Illinois
| East Joliet, Illinois
| 2019 – 2021
| 2020–2021
| Did not show up, called in a bizarre excuse, to quote Bird: "My buddy Juan says the van I sold him smells like stale farts and Drakkar Noir when it rains, I gotta go take care of that." Bird was already on probation for smoking cigars in the bathroom while on the clock.
| Did not show up, called in a bizarre excuse, to quote Bird: "My buddy Juan says the van I sold him smells like stale farts and Drakkar Noir when it rains, I gotta go take care of that." Bird was already on probation for smoking cigars in the bathroom while on the clock.
|-
|-
| Randy's Adult Entertainment Emporium
| [[Randy's Adult Entertainment Emporium]]
| Jizz Mopper
| Jizz Mopper
| Crest Hill, Illinois
| Crest Hill, Illinois
| 2016 – 2018
| 2017–2020
| Gross incompetence, theft, health code violations.
| Gross incompetence, theft, health code violations, failure to follow COVID protocols
|-
|-
| Emerald City Roller Derby
| Emerald City Roller Derby
| Fluffer
| Fluffer
| Rockford, Illinois
| Rockford, Illinois
| 2013 – 2014
| 2013–2014
| Sexual harassment of the roller derby girls.
| Sexual harassment of the roller derby girls
|-
|-
| Biff's Package Goods
| Biff's Package Goods
| Bouncer
| Bouncer
| Maywood, Illinois
| Maywood, IL
| 2012
| 2012
| Excessive force involving the use of a blackjack
| Excessive force involving the use of a blackjack
|-
| Shurrl's Truck Stop
| Dishwasher
| Pontiac, IL
| 2012
| Bird was found bathing himself using dish washing equipment, and it was later discovered that he had counterfeited shower tickets for the truck stop
|-
|-
| Crazy Joe's Mattress Discount Warehouse
| Crazy Joe's Mattress Discount Warehouse
| Marketing Specialist
| Marketing Specialist
| Rockford, IL
| Rockford, IL
| 2011 – 2012
| 2011–2012
| A pair of elderly women reported that Bird exposed himself to them while wearing the store's promotional mattress character suit. Bird claims "my balls were hanging out, what's the big deal?"
| A pair of elderly women reported that Bird exposed himself to them while wearing the store's promotional mattress character suit. Bird claims "my balls were hanging out, what's the big deal?"
|-
|-
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| Rodeo clown
| Rodeo clown
| Rockford, Illinois
| Rockford, Illinois
| June 2010 – January 2011
| 2010–2011
| Bird got incarcerated for misdemeanor wire fraud totaling less than $100.
| Bird got incarcerated for misdemeanor wire fraud totaling less than $100.
|-
|-
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| Mall Santa
| Mall Santa
| Rockford, Illinois
| Rockford, Illinois
| 2009 – 2010
| 2009–2010
| Health code violations, smoking on the job and inattentiveness to keeping his working area free of cigarette butts.
| Health code violations, smoking on the job and inattentiveness to keeping his working area free of cigarette butts
|-
|-
| Rent-A-Center
| Rent-A-Center
| Laborer
| Laborer
| Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
| Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
| 1997 – 1998
| 1997–1998
| Falsification of workman's comp claim.
| Falsification of workman's comp claim
|-
|-
| Jimmy's House of Organ Meats
| Jimmy's House of Organ Meats
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| East Saint Louis, Illinois
| East Saint Louis, Illinois
| 1997
| 1997
| Found asleep, intoxicated, in a portable toilet  
| Found asleep, intoxicated, in a portable toilet
|-
| St. Louis Public Schools
| School Bus Driver
| Saint Louis, Missouri
| 1996–1997
| Terminated when state passed a law requiring criminal background checks for school bus drivers and Bird was discovered to be a felon named Carl Bird. (Bird had been using the alias Duke LaSalle at the time.)
|-
|-
| Kaufman Astoria Studios
| Kaufman Astoria Studios
| Industrial Sanitation Engineer / Character actor talent scout
| Industrial Sanitation Engineer / Character actor talent scout
| New York, New York
| New York, New York
| 1980 – 1983
| 1986–1987
| Allegedly exposed himself to children, denies the allegations and accuses Big Bird of the act. See notes below.
| Allegedly exposed himself to children, denies the allegations and accuses Big Bird of the act. See notes below.
|}
|}
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He was employed at Kaufman Astoria Studios primarily in a custodial capacity, although he was occasionally tasked with assisting in casting for minor character roles when studio personnel believed his familiarity with local personalities made him useful for that purpose. Bird has specifically claimed that he participated in the casting process for a minor role in ''National Lampoon's Vacation''.
He was employed at Kaufman Astoria Studios primarily in a custodial capacity, although he was occasionally tasked with assisting in casting for minor character roles when studio personnel believed his familiarity with local personalities made him useful for that purpose. Bird has specifically claimed that he participated in the casting process for a minor role in ''National Lampoon's Vacation''.


Bird's employment ended following an allegation of indecent exposure involving a costumed performer. Bird denied responsibility and attributed the incident to his cousin, Big Bird. That explanation was not regarded as credible, as Big Bird was documented to have been filming in another studio at the time. No criminal charge was ultimately brought against Bird, and the allegation could not be proven to the standard necessary for prosecution. Nevertheless, studio management asked Bird to leave, effectively terminating his employment.
Bird's employment ended following an allegation of indecent exposure involving a costumed performer. Bird denied responsibility and attributed the incident to his cousin, Big Bird. That explanation was not regarded as credible, as Big Bird was documented to have been filming in another studio at the time. Other witnesses report that Carl urinated on-set and yelled “this ain’t a real barrio!”
 
No criminal charge was ultimately brought against Bird, and the allegation could not be proven to the standard necessary for prosecution. Nevertheless, studio management asked Bird to leave, effectively terminating his employment.
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