Carl Bird: Difference between revisions
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'''Carl Bird''' (born July 4, 1969) is an American reprobate, gambler, habitual schemer, and recurring criminal offender. He is the older and considerably meaner cousin of | '''Carl Bird''' (born July 4, 1969) is an American reprobate, gambler, habitual schemer, and recurring criminal offender. He is the older and considerably meaner cousin of Big Bird, whom he physically resembles. | ||
Carl is best known for his criminal record in the greater Chicagoland area of Illinois, but (as he frequently attempts to advertise) is also a guitarist associated with the hard-rock band '''[[Redline]]''', although his actual musical contribution has frequently been questioned. He is also known for a lengthy history of misdemeanor criminal activity, unstable housing, compulsive gambling, poorly planned business ventures, public disturbances, and repeated encounters with security personnel and law enforcement. | Carl is best known for his criminal record in the greater Chicagoland area of Illinois, but (as he frequently attempts to advertise) is also a guitarist associated with the hard-rock band '''[[Redline]]''', although his actual musical contribution has frequently been questioned. He is also known for a lengthy history of misdemeanor criminal activity, unstable housing, compulsive gambling, poorly planned business ventures, public disturbances, and repeated encounters with security personnel and law enforcement. | ||
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Carl's actual guitar skill is generally considered limited. He knows several basic chords, blues-rock shapes, and recognizable fragments of common hard-rock riffs. His primary technique consists of aggressive strumming, volume, posing, and pointing at members of the audience. More technically skilled musicians within his social circle tend to tolerate him rather than regard him as a peer. His equipment is usually in poor repair, "like something he traded a set of used tires for at a pawn shop" according to [[Redline]] keyboardist Johann Heimberg. | Carl's actual guitar skill is generally considered limited. He knows several basic chords, blues-rock shapes, and recognizable fragments of common hard-rock riffs. His primary technique consists of aggressive strumming, volume, posing, and pointing at members of the audience. More technically skilled musicians within his social circle tend to tolerate him rather than regard him as a peer. His equipment is usually in poor repair, "like something he traded a set of used tires for at a pawn shop" according to [[Redline]] keyboardist Johann Heimberg. | ||
== Relationship with technology == | |||
Carl seems to be extremely resistant to using pieces of technology that were not in widespread use in the 1980s. He seems to not understand the point of things such as CDs, DVDs, cellular phones or flat panel TVs. Despite clearly running a social media page on Facebook, he appears to only be tangentially aware of what the internet is or how it works. He often mentions relying on VHS and cassette tapes for entertainment, only seems to use land line telephones, often speaks of the utility of CB radio (claiming "all the fat chicks hang out on channel 12") and is fascinated by the idea of playing video games on the Nintendo Entertainment System (the cartridges for which he calls "tapes"). | |||
Carl has made internet posts about various computers he has owned, but all of said computers were completely inadequate for regular use on the internet, having been salvaged from dumps or acquired in a trade at a pawn shop. It is theorized that Carl accesses his Facebook through computers at public libraries. | |||
When forced to interact with a newer piece of technology, he will often mumble about "all this new shit" and lose interest in attempting to accomplish the task at hand. | |||
== Personal Relationships == | == Personal Relationships == | ||
=== Juan Gonzalez === | === Juan Gonzalez === | ||
One of Carl's longtime associates is '''[[Juan Gonzalez]]'''. Carl and Juan have appeared together in numerous contexts, primarily centered around quasi-legal mobile food service ventures, such as their ill-fated food truck business [[Taco Jabronis]]. | One of Carl's longtime associates is '''[[Juan Gonzalez]]'''. Carl and Juan have appeared together in numerous contexts, primarily centered around quasi-legal mobile food service ventures, such as their ill-fated food truck business [[Taco Jabronis]]. Gonzalez also works for [[Mercado La Colonia]], a small Mexican grocery store in Melrose Park, Illinois. Carl often appears in and around the store trying obtain store credit or run small time scams on the customers, much to the chagrin of the store's owner/manager '''[[Rakesh Subramanian]]'''. | ||
Juan is among the relatively small number of people whom Carl appears to regard as a genuine friend rather than a potential source of transportation, alcohol, money, or temporary housing. | Juan is among the relatively small number of people whom Carl appears to regard as a genuine friend rather than a potential source of transportation, alcohol, money, or temporary housing. | ||
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=== Zutroy Zagreb === | === Zutroy Zagreb === | ||
'''[[Zutroy Zagreb]]''' is a Hungarian American booking agent and entertainment-industry connection who has arranged work involving Carl, usually with poor outcomes. Zagreb's humorless, transactional personality frequently clashes with Carl's improvisational approach to contracts and scheduling. Zagreb once described Carl as "a fucking clown". | '''[[Zutroy Zagreb]]''' is a Hungarian-American booking agent and entertainment-industry connection who has arranged work involving Carl, usually with poor outcomes. Zagreb's humorless, transactional personality frequently clashes with Carl's improvisational approach to contracts and scheduling. Zagreb once described Carl as "a fucking clown". | ||
=== Darnell Watson === | === Darnell Watson === | ||
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== Gambling == | == Gambling == | ||
Gambling is one of Carl's | Gambling is one of Carl's favorite pastimes. | ||
He regularly participates in: | He regularly participates in: | ||
* | * legal and illegal sports betting | ||
* | * betting on horse and dog races | ||
* | * betting on Polish table tennis matches | ||
* lottery schemes | * barroom card games | ||
* | * lottery and racketeering schemes | ||
* and wagers involving objects that would not normally be considered appropriate stakes | * pool | ||
* video poker and slot machines | |||
* wagers involving objects that would not normally be considered appropriate stakes | |||
Carl has won | Carl has won and lost vehicles, musical equipment and residences through gambling, and he has owed considerable sums of money to various parties throughout his life. | ||
== Alcohol, smoking and drug use == | |||
Carl | Carl is a heavy smoker. A lit cigarette is present in his mouth almost any time he is photographed, and he has demonstrated little regard for posted smoking restrictions. He once got ejected from Brookfield Zoo for smoking a cigar in a restroom, after which he complained on social media: | ||
<blockquote> | |||
they don't let you smoke cigars in the bathroom at the zoo no more! | |||
</blockquote> | |||
He | Carl is also a functional alcoholic. His drinks of choice include low-end fortified wine, malt liquor, and cheap vodka. He shows little regard for laws involving public intoxication, open containers, and public consumption. The floor of his van is usually littered with empty alcohol containers, something which he attempts to justify to police by claiming that since his van is his home, he's doing nothing wrong. He has also been arrested several times for buying alcohol for minors and has a number of DUIs across multiple states. | ||
He does not consider his relationship with alcohol to be an addiction. When asked about it, Carl simply says “I love drinking, I don’t need it.” | |||
Carl will generally consume any substance that comes his way, with a strong preference for prescription medications (usually pilfered from whatever medicine cabinet he has access to) and cheap highs such as inhalants. He tends to not buy or sell street drugs (“too much heat”) but always seems to know where to get them. When offered cannabis, he will refuse, claiming things like "that shit's for hippies". | |||
== Aliases == | == Aliases == | ||